Overwhelmed

That is the only thing I can describe at this point in time. I am overwhelmed by the love and support of my friends and family. I am overwhelmed with joy. I am overwhelmed by Jesse's excitement. I am overwhelmed with God's plan.

I guess that I never thought we would get as much support as we have when we decided to announce that we were adopting 2 little boys with HIV. I expected people to possibly shun us or just not talk to us. I figure that many people are afraid of the implications, but more than anything people have been supportive. I cannot count the number of offers for "baby" showers and very few people know that we are even adopting. On the list I am on for families adopting through AAI, I have gotten half a dozen emails since noon with people offering congratulations. I am just overwhelmed.

Have I mentioned that I haven't stopped smiling?! You may or may not understand the grief that Jesse and I have experienced over the past 2 years. There have been days of nothing but tears. There have been days that we have been constantly reminded of our own childlessness. There have been days were I have not cracked a smile. That has changed. Since we accepted the referral of our 2 precious little guys, I have done nothing but smile and cry for joy. Hopefully, tomorrow we will officially sign the paper that make them "ours", but the truth is that they are already ours in our hearts. I kiss them goodnight on my computer every night. I pray for them by day. I have prayed for their parents, who may or may not still be alive, that they will be given peace. I cannot even describe it.

To any of you that know Jesse very well, you may know that he sometimes hides his emotions. Last month he told me that he wouldn't be excited until they were in our arms. Well, that too has changed. This same emotionally reserved man has been purely giddy planning all the things he wants to do with and teach the boys. He is planning a Pixar themed bedroom. He has found toys that he wants to get for the boys (I told him to wait). He is grinning from ear to ear when he talks about soccer and toy cars. You wouldn't necessarily recognize him!

How do I describe God's hand in all this? I cannot. Had you told me 5 years ago or even 1 year ago about what we would be doing I would have laughed. Two of the whitest people on the planet adopting 2 children from Africa? Yeah right! But God's plans are so much bigger than our own. Do I still grieve our infertility? Absolutely! But, I also firmly believe that without that experience, we would not be where we are now. My heart has been opened like never before regarding people's "stories". We all make decisions based on our own experiences and this is one of ours. We honestly believe that God planned that our adoption would be one of the good things that comes out of our infertility. I just don't know how to describe the overwhelming peace that we have found in this decision. We love those boys so much and we haven't even met them! I cannot wait for the day where I get to say - "ew wadehalo" (or ew-wah-deh-HA-low, I love you).