Imaginary Good Things

"Only imaginary good things have no contradiction in them....we must accept this contradiction--the sign of our misery and our greatness--in all its bitterness. It is through fully experiencing and suffering from the absurdity as such of this universe where good and evil are mixed that we attain to pure goodness whose kingdom is not of this world." - Gustave Thibon

My very wise, younger sister provided me with this quote and left me with some ideas to consider. I think throughout the several years we struggled with infertility and then the adoption issues, I always expected the day the kids were declared ours (whether being pregnant or passing court) to be a day of celebration. Instead, a little email fluttered into our inbox with the title "Samuel". Here is the content of the email:
"Good news for Samuel, his case passed the court today. Congratulations.

Unfortunately there was no recommendation letter for Tekalegn. Temesgen is going to push that this case be completed right away with no new court date. We will let you know. "

The first thing that was slightly amusing is that this news was regarding Samuel, not Samson (later clarified and we are not getting some unknown child named Samuel, but rather Samuel and Samson are one in the same). And there were no balloons, no bottle of champagne, no dancing monkeys, or celebratory music. I don't know what I was expecting, but certainly more pomp and circumstance.

Also, this email came to Jesse's phone surrounded by a call from his attorney and a call from human resources stating that another investigatory meeting was in order. Didn't they know that this was Sammy's celebration day and we were not to be interrupted? Obviously not. When I told Jesse that Sammy passed, he rolled over and said something like "oh, good" and went back to sleep. I was ready to start jumping on the bed (and for those of you that have the privilege of knowing me well, know this is not beyond the realm of possibility) and my husband just rolls over and goes back to sleep. I didn't want any contradiction in my good news. I wanted both my boys to pass court and my husband to be completely exonerated and an apology written, but alas, I do not often get what I want.

What we have gotten is smatterings of good news right next to the bad news. Yes, Sammy passed court, but due to the new CDC regulations regarding HIV+ immigrants, we will not be traveling in 4-6 weeks to get him (as it was about 2 months ago), but maybe in about 12 weeks. That is if they can negotiate phlegm out of a 4 year old three times and prove that it does not grow the tuberculosis bacteria. If it does grow TB, then another journey will be started. And this same process will need to be repeated when Tekalegn passes court.

And yes, Jesse still has a job, but oh wait, he has to start from scratch. He is no longer a supervisor, no longer a charge nurse, and he will be reassigned to another floor, if another manager will accept him. Of course, who wants an employee with a "final" written warning (not proceeded by any other written warnings, I might add) in their file for unprofessional conduct? Basically, the hospital started with what they wanted to have happen and moved backwards and worded people's statements in such a way as to have him demoted and reassigned. You know, the allegations were calling his friends after 11 pm (nevermind that they all work nights), talking about going out with friends for dinner, and of course the much loved reference to "pole dancing" (which is, in the hospital world, retrieving an IV pole for patient use and proceeding to push it down the hallway". Basically, I now know that if I am annoyed with someone I work with, all I have to accuse them of is "compromising my patient care because I am so focused on my interactions with a certain individual" and get 2 of my closest friends to agree with me and "poof" my problem will go away. Wow, who knew it was that easy?! I thought evidence was important, but apparently that only applies in the courts, not in the workplace.

So, we are truly experiencing the "suffering from the absurdity as such of this universe". The reality is that I don't live in heaven. Things don't always go the way it should. Justice doesn't always happen. Integrity is not always honored. And in this imperfect world, my 2 HIV+ little boys, continue to wait for their mommy to take them home. But, I am trying to remind myself that God sees the big picture and I cannot.