Struggles

This week has been a tough week.  I worked Saturday (Tuesday was my first day back) and then I was supposed to work Sunday. I got up about 11:30 on Sunday and was supposed to work at 2pm.  Well, about noon we noticed that Tekalegn wasn't himself as evidenced by asking to go to bed and not eating his favorite lunch.  He was running a temperature (albeit a low grade one) and had been coughing really hard for a few days.  We finally decided to page our pediatrician as we knew his viral load was elevated due .  Well, in the meantime, it came time for me to leave for work and it was too late to call in.  I figured the pediatrician would just tell us to keep an eye on him and have him get seen in the morning.  Thus, I decided to head to work and Jesse would watch him.  Well, surprise!  The doctor wanted us to take him to Children's (about 2 hours away) now.  So, I got to work and tried to explain the situation.  Everyone I immediately work with was very understanding, but our nursing supervisor gave me the run around and chewed me out.  I promptly burst into tears and that is unlike me.  She finally let me go home, but by that time I was a wreck because my kids are the very kids that are in danger of getting very sick from HINI and it is in our area in full force.  So, we made it down to Children's and waited a long time, but at least we had our own room.  They did the test for H1N1 and sent him home on medicine.  So far the results are negative and they are being sent to the national lab, but based on his rapid improvement, I think it is unlikely that he actually has it.  So, that is great!

This week has also been difficult because Jesse is so very stressed about the job situation that is worsening on a regular basis.  His case is headed to arbitration and it has just gotten extremely ugly.  It seems that someone is trying to fabricate stuff to get him fired and he as just been very down on himself and the world in general because of all that is going on.

Then, on top of it, we have Sammy.   He is really doing well here.  He loves school.  He loves Tekalegn.  He loves Max, Nemo and Ripley.  He loves my parents.  He loves most people he meets and they all say he is so "sweet".  He loves Jesse.  Notice someone missing from the equation??  Me.  I know that adoption is not about me, but this kid barely tolerates my very existence.  If he is home alone with Jesse they have fun and play and wrestle and whatnot.  If he is home alone with me (or even alone in a room), he turns into a mean kid.  He yells mean words in Amharic at me and flat out refuses to do anything I tell him.  Last night he argued about every part of the bedtime routine and then when the boys and I sat down for a story he started just making noise so Tekalegn couldn't hear me.  This happens routinely, so I give him two chances and the Tekalegn and I leave and read the story elsewhere and I turn out his lights an make him go to bed.  He won't let me tuck him in.  He won't let me kiss him goodnight.  We tried to watch a movie with them and he refused to sit on my lap.  This morning he refused to get dressed and I had to physically dress him while he was screaming at me.  I thought about leaving the room, but them he just empties all his drawers and finds what he wants to wear.  We have a rule that their clothes get picked out the night before as to avoid this very thing, but EVERY morning that I go in, he does the same thing.  I am exhausted and discouraged.  I love him and it is so hard to have him continually act as if I am not just an annoyance, but also someone who should move out of the house.  He is honestly a very mean kid to me and then to Tekalegn when he is around and we are disagreeing.  I am trying not to play favorites, but I cannot reward Sammy for his constant bad behavior and take away things from Tekalegn just because Sammy is acting up.  I am kind of at my whit's end right now.